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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Stop being a a person......and other interesting thoughts


 I just finished reading a book by Robin Quivers called  The Vegucation of Robin .  It's a pretty interesting book about changing over to a plant based eating plan....I'm not going to say diet, cause I hate that word.  Diets don't work.  Lifestyle changes do. It's all about the importance of vegetables and yes, even becoming a vegetarian or vegan.  I happened to see her on the Rachel Ray show when I was channel surfing one day and just caught the tail end of her interview and she said something that so struck home, I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil and wrote it down.  She was telling Rachel how this statement made to her by her doctor was the beginning of her healing.  He told her to "Stop being a patient and start being a person".  I so love that suggestion.  It is so how I want to handle this second journey with breast cancer.  I want to continue exercising and just go on about my daily routine as though there is no question that I'm going to get this "disgusting distraction" taken care of and move on. 

 I am..... So now doesn't that sound brave? If nothing else, I'm putting on a really good front :) 

This little picture was on Pinterest and I posted it to my board called "Breast Cancer, Yet Again" just fit so perfectly....because the caption in Pinterest  read..."THIS WAS ME WHEN I GOT THE NEWS"...the picture says it all: 
   .Me when I got the news.... :(I was deflated, unbelieving, sad, confused, and just couldn't figure out how this could have happened yet again.  But as I talk to friends and neighbors, I am finding it's not so uncommon. And I am encouraged to know that others have gone through it twice and survived both times.  That doesn't mean I think it's a walk in the park, doesn't mean I'm confident it will be an easy process, just because I've 'been there, done that'....and have some idea of what is ahead of me.  But when you get breast cancer or any kind of cancer you latch on to any ray of hope you can and survival statistics do count as rays of hope.  

I have to tell you though, I believe in honesty and since you are my friend, whether I know you or just because you are following my journey, I have to be honest with you..........

Behind this smile and this 'Rah Rah' positive attitude, I have to admit, there's a part of me that's scared.  And sometimes I am less brave than normal and sometimes I blow things way out of proportion........for example.....Sunday evening we returned from visiting my mom and I noticed that I had a bit of a sore throat and by Monday, I was beginning to get all stuffy with ear ache and slightly swollen glands.....all the signs of a lovely fall  head cold.  I went to a fitness class (core and cycle) on Monday (trying to be the macho gym babe) thinking that I'd sweat some of this out of me.  Yesterday was worse...but I went to another class and by the time I got home I was miserable and sounded like I had a frog in my throat and was on the way to losing my voice.  I slathered myself up with Vicks, took some Tylenol and tried to get some sleep.  But I'll be danged if that sneaky, creepy, mean and vicious old "Fearful, Not Confident" side of me didn't get a 'full nelson' around my throat and made a really nonsensical thought crawl into my mind.....What if this wasn't just a simple head cold that's taken hold since my immune system is probably not as strong as normal?  What if the cancer has spread since they did the biopsy? What if......?  Well you get the picture....I started bawling like a baby.....which is never comforting for your loved one laying next to you trying to figure out what you're trying to tell him as you blubberingly say what you're thinking.  Thank goodness, for most of us, we have someone who can remain calm and soothing.....someone who can reassure you that you are indeed blowing things way out of proportion.  Never the less I didn't get much sleep (which of course was not great for this darn cold).....but on a brighter note, I did have the latest episode of "THE VOICE" recorded.....and since it's one of my favorite shows, I got out of bed, donned some headphones and let it further sooth my weary soul.  

Just to be on the safe side, I called the Physician's Assistant that works with the surgeon who will be doing my surgery on November 15th and told her my symptoms and asked if I needed to go in and get antibiotics or anything to assure that I would not have to postpone my surgery.  She said "IT" was going around and in fact had a case of it herself....that since I had no fever, it was most likely viral and would run it course with vitamin C and over the counter remedies....but if not better by next Tuesday to call her back.   So even though I am still all stuffed up and have a raspy voice, I am feeling a bit more confident again....and ready to take on what the rest of this month has in store for me.

I guess that was a long long long explanation of me trying to say, that if you know someone who is fighting cancer and you are amazed at their positive attitude and the seemingly endless smile on their face.....  If they occasionally blow things out of proportion or cry over something that seems silly or exaggerated to you, take a minute and remember that deep down they might just be feeling a little scared.

I think for the most part, I'm a "glass half-full" kind of I'm thinking positive .....

This beautiful quote makes me smile, makes me shake my head affirmatively, makes me feel  strong and assured that all will be well....




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