Age is just a number. You can get healthy and fit. But first you must BELIEVE!

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Everything in moderation. Even moderation.

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Monday, November 25, 2013

Out of the mouths (or actions) of babes.....

This morning I got a call from the office of Radiology for an initial consultation with the radiologist that will be doing the radiation therapy part of my treatment.  I will be getting radiation for sure....either as the sole treatment of my breast cancer or as the second part of my treatment if I have to do chemo.  As you know (if you read my previous post) that part of the equation is still undecided pending test results that have not come back yet.  If I have to do chemo, I'm assuming (only based on my chemo from my 2002 cancer) that it may be a 3 month process???? But I really don't know.  My appointment for the radiation consultation is set for December 6th.   When I do have the radiation, it will be a 6 week (every weekday) process....and I remember the previous radiation sessions making me very tired
      but I also remember I got tatoos!!!!!  Kaylee knowssWell actually just 3 or 4 tiny pin point dots to mark the location of the area to be radiated....

  Today I want to talk about how I am not going to let this cancer or my being tired be excuses.....just like I'm not going to let the weather be an excuse. 

 It is cold and rainy here today ....not at all like it's suppose to be in Texas this time of year....when I woke up I thought maybe I had been dreaming and that I was really back in Maine!  ....and I commented that "gee I wish it wasn't raining, I was hoping to go to the gym today"....well kick that thought right in the hiney.....a little bit of cold and rain is not going to stop me in my pursuit to get fit and more than body is screaming for me to be kind to exercise and eat healthy.

For the most part if the majority of us think about it, we always can find an excuse not to exercise or eat healthy...I am reminded of these posters I found on Pinterest :

 Stop making excusesStop making excuses and do it...I have and it feels great.


And I am make myself remember every day the story told to me by a dear sweet friend ......Her  granddaughter was born premature and had a very tiny aneurism when she was just days a result the little girl (now about 2 years old, I think) has some challenges in her young life....trouble sitting and walking.....but does that stop that precious little girl....NO WAY!....not for one minute.  The story my friend told me was about how her granddaughter was across the living room from the coffee table and she saw something on the coffee table she wanted.  Instead of waiting for someone to help her get up, she started rolling across the room....giggling the whole time she was rolling until she got over to that table................I have to tell you when she told me that story and when I retell it, it is all I can do to keep my composure.  She is such an inspiration.... it makes me say  NOW WHAT WAS MY EXCUSE FOR NOT EXERCISING? Cold weather, I'm hoo poor me I have breast cancer and just had surgery, I've gained so much weight back (and what will people who know me think when they see me)...what if I can't do some of the exercises or machines I used to do, what if I can't lift the weight I used to lift.....REALLY....are those my excuses!!! 

 NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL am I going to let this bend in my road be an excuse in my journey to get fit and healthy and be fit at 99.  Every time I make an excuse, I am going to envision that sweet baby girl rolling across the room and giggling to get to where she wants to go....not waiting for someone to tell her she can do it....not letting her physical challenges hold her back.....just doing it.

  This is what I tell myself:
and ..........everyday I'm telling this breast cancer...........
You dont want to get between me and my goal quotes quote fitness workout goal motivation exercise motivate fitness quote fitness quotes workout quote workout quotes exercise quotes 
  I bundled myself up this afternoon and went to my core and cycle class and I am so glad I did. I may have used lighter weights, I may not have been able to do the full extension of the arm movements, I may not have been able to stand when the instructor told us to get off the seat of our stationary bikes.....but I was glad I was there and I'll be there every time the class is in session....and I won't be there only if the doctors say NO. Right now they are saying YES and telling me that exercise is one of the best ways to fight against YES IT IS FOR ME!

So now all of you out there who want to get in shape, who want to lose weight, who want to get fit and healthy......and have a glimmer of a dream to be fit and healthy at 99....all of you that I care so much about and that I appreciate so much for following my journey........any of you that might be fighting breast cancer or any kind of cancer right now and are hearing YES from your doctor......I have two words of advice.... 
                 NO EXCUSES!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Info--maybe more than you want to know....Decisions--still unmade.. Hurry Up--and Wait....

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hi All...

Well I had my first appointment with my new oncologist yesterday and it was interesting to say the least.  First off, I like her a lot.  She seems very knowledgeable, almost speaks in terms I can understand and does translate when I have that "what the heck did you just say" look on my face.

The decision about my having chemo as part of my treatment is still up in the air because we are waiting for a couple of reports to come back.  One of them is a retest of the HER2/nau.  So what does that mean.....the easiest way I know to explain it, because I'm not a medical person, is to cut and paste info I found on it (I just cut and pasted the highlights....the info I found was lengthy).  This may be way more than you want to know about test that are done with cancer, but for those "sister" readers of this blog, it might be informative.

HER-2/neu Test

How is it used?

After a diagnosis of breast cancer has been made, Her-2/neu testing may be used as a prognostic marker to help determine how aggressive the breast cancer tumor is likely to be. It is usually ordered along with estrogen and progesteron hormoe recepter status tests (ER & PR) both of which were positive in this cancer and in the breast cancer I had in 2002.  The results of these three tests give the doctor information about the person's likely prognosis and response to specific therapies such as hormone therapy and chemotherapy.

When is it ordered?

Her-2/neu tissue testing is recommended along with ER & PR status testing as part of an initial workup of invasivev breast cancer and is sometimes performed with recurrent breast cancer. It is not diagnostic but helps the doctor determine treatment options and understand more about the tumor's characteristics.

What does the test result mean?

If an IHC Her-2/neu test is positive, it means that the Her-2/neu gene is over-expressing the Her-2/neu protein. If a FISH test is done, then amplification of the Her-2/neu gene can be detected. If either of these is positive, then the person is likely to have a tumor that is aggressive, that will respond poorly to endocrine treatment, and that will be resistant to chemotherapy. These people may be considered candidates for trastuzumab (Herceptin®) therapy, a drug that was created to target Her-2/neu protein.

My cancer in 2002 HER-2/neu test was negative.  But the test that was initially done in the biopsy for this current cancer was "equivocal" (or not firmly positive or negative) they are redoing that test to see if they can get a more definitive result.

The second report we are waiting on and that takes the longest (at least 2 weeks) is the 


It is a relatively new test that is done in a single lab (only one in the US)....again I've cut and pasted information:

 The Oncotype DX test is a genomic test that analyzes the activity of a group of genes that can affect how a cancer is likely to behave and respond to treatment. The Oncotype DX is used in two ways:
  • To help doctors figure out a woman’s risk of early-stage, estrogen-receptor-positive breast cancer coming back (recurrence), as well as how likely she is to benefit from chemotherapy after breast cancer surgery.
  • To help doctors figure out a woman’s risk of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) coming back (recurrence) and/or the risk of a new invasive cancer developing in the same breast, as well as how likely she is to benefit from radiation therapy after DCIS surgery.
The results of the Oncotype DX test, combined with other features of the cancer, can help you make a more informed decision about whether or not to have chemotherapy to treat early-stage hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer or radiation therapy to treat DCIS.

Who is eligible for the Oncotype DX test?

You may be a candidate for the Oncotype DX test if:
  • you’ve recently been diagnosed with stage I or II invasive breast cancer
  • the cancer is estrogen-receptor-positive
  • there is no cancer in your lymph nodes (lymph node-negative breast cancer)
  • you and your doctor are making decisions about chemotherapy.
  • That would be me!
I am glad they now have these tests because enough advancement has been made in cancer treatment to allow for some educated (test result) decisions to be made.  The medical field is finally admitting that chemo is not always best for their patients and sometimes the nasty side effects far outweigh any good the chemo does.....but on the other hand these tests are proof positive that the patient most definitely would benefit from chemo.  I'm not crazy about the thought of doing chemo, but I will do it if the test show it will benefit me in the long run....and ward off recurrence.

I found it interesting to hear the oncologist ask me which kind of chemo I had in my 2002 cancer treatment...........and her response when I told her (Adriamycin and Cytoxan) that if I had to do chemo again, they would not use those two meds.....that the body can only have them once in a I know this will  throw red flags up to my naysayer friends (that I love dearly and that I know loves me dearly and are looking out for my best interest) and it certainly gave me 'pause' to think that a medicine could be so strong and so destructive to your immune system that it could only be used for one grouped session of treatment (my session was 4 treatments in 2002).

So now I play the waiting game....I was told as soon as both tests are back I will be called in to have  further discussion....and make decisions.  More than likely if I have to have chemo it will begin the week before Christmas.....and if I don't have to have chemo, I am assuming that is when I will begin the 6 weeks (every day) of radiation. 

Well now that I've bored you to tears.....I'll close with samples of thoughts that get me through this bend in my road.....
Positivity quote via Carol's Country Sunshine on FacebookMore positive quotes

and this one....... because I hope that is what this blog is to someone......
the little things in life life quotes quotes positive quotes quote life positive wise bird advice wisdom life lessons positive quote

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Some pretty great news!!

I feel like I need to apologize for having such a bummer of a day yesterday... A sweet young woman (that I've known since she was about 5 or 6 years old) and who is all grown up now with a beautiful daughter of her own in college, read my blog and wrote me an e-mail that made me sit up and take notice (I hope she won't mind me using some of them here....she said 'the Peggy she remembers  is one of the spunkiest, feistiest, liveliest people she has ever met, and that there was no doubt in her mind I was going to tackle this cancer and literally kick it in the rear'.   And she's right....that is who I am.  I don't know what brought on the doom and gloom....but I hope you will all be glad to know's gone and today I was ready to hear (not necessarily what I wanted to hear) but what I needed to hear....the truth...and guess what........ 

The 3 lymph nodes they removed were completely clean.  The tumor was slightly larger then they originally thought (1.5 CM) but they got it all.  I did have a few minuscule cells scattered around the tumor that were the very beginning of cancer, but they feel confident they got all of them with the margins they removed.

Unfortunately they didn't think I would be considering chemo (that was my decision since this was the 2nd round--I'm a  pro-active kind of girl) they had not sent the tissue off to the one lab in the United States that does the percentage test of recurrence....and now that they understand I want that done, they are going to send the tissue off, but the results could take 10 days to 2 weeks.

I have an appointment with an oncologist tomorrow and we will further discuss the need for chemo.  They are going to start me on an oral medication (after radiation) that I will be on for 10 years.  It inhibits the growth of estrogen in the body (because my tumor this time, and last time, were estrogen positive)...that is to say the tumor feeds off of the estrogen.  I asked him to repeat himself 2-3 times to help make sure I was understanding him correctly.  What I understood him to say is that the medicine (probably Letrozol) may actually do as much (if not more) then chemo would do.  The surgeon basically said, he understood my concern since it was the second time, but that he feels the side effects of the chemo may well not be worth the risk of taking it....when the chemo may do no more than the oral meds could do.  

So I am not as gung ho about doing the chemo.  I'll see how I feel tomorrow when I talk to the oncologist.

Chemo is nasty stuff and can reek havoc on your if the oncologist agrees that there would not be much gain from doing chemo, I may just do the radiation. And I am hoping to see the radiation oncologist sometime next week.

The surgeon said I am healing very well and that if I wanted to return to the gym tomorrow I could.  I asked him about lifting weights and he said that was fine that the lifting of weights would not tend to tear the internal sutures, but that maybe I might want to start with some lower weights than I usually use and build back up.  He said he would advise against things like Zumba or Jazzersize where there is some rapid flailing of arms....and that probably even that wouldn't tear the sutures, but it may prove to be no problem.  I don't do zumba or jazzersize anyway.  But he did say I could power walk (as long as I don't get too wild with my arms) and  I could absolutely do spin and strength work or yoga.   Since tomorrow is Friday, I think I will take it easy for the remainder of this week.  But for sure next week I will be back in the gym. 

For those of you who might be following this because you are in a similar situation and want to hear the info I am sharing with you here, the doctor said there are really reliable good statistics that prove that breast cancer survivors...........and actually just about anyone....benefit greatly from exercise....even if it's just walking 1/2 hour for at least 4 days a week.  

So perfect music to my ears....
That's the message I'm always trying to get out....the importance of exercise....whether you have breast cancer, diabetes, heart problems, are over weight.......or just plain want to avoid all of those things.....Get up off the couch and start moving....

And I have to keep reminding myself what's and that is attitude.......I've turned my frown upside down and I am ready to face this demon and finish it off!   

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Pity Party......

Wednesday, November 20, 2013 hard  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Today I woke up in the middle of a pity own.  Not sure what brought this on, but I am  right in the smack middle of one.  Ready to find out the pathology reports, scared to the find out the pathology reports. Wanting to exercise....but know that at least for this week I need to take it easy.  I seem to be eating everything in sight....even when I'm not really hungry.....I think I have what is known in German as : Kummerspeck......Literally translated as "Grief Bacon".  It refers to the excess weight gained from emotional overeating.

Today was the last meeting of a weight loss group I belong to....a day of celebration and honor to those that had learned the secrets to shedding pounds and made the commitment to losing weight and more importantly to getting healthy and fit.....and then to begin the hard part of maintenance.

I wasn't going to go to the meetingAfter all I hadn't weighed in for 3-4 weeks and I know from weighing myself  and from being weighed at the doctor's offices that I had gained several pounds....from the time that I had started this most recent phase of the program and more than several pounds from a year ago when I was the star participant of the program....a time when I was on top of the world....healthy and strong and happy.....and slimmer than I had ever been.  I had decided not to go to the finale meeting today....because I'd failed so miserably....because I was far from that place I was a year ago....or gee now that I think about it maybe it was two years ago.  Time flies by so quickly these days.

But at the very last minute, I decided to go to the meeting this morning.  And I sat way off to the side, and so unlike me, didn't offer any great ideas to keep the weight off or stay motivated or give thoughts on how wonderful you feel when you feel in control of your health and fitness.......I just listened because I was having a pity party....and I felt like I had lost all control of my health and my fitness.....I feel overweight....because I am overweight.  I feel unmotivated....I feel like I've let everyone down....because this blog was originally set up as a motivational tool to help people realize they could make change in their lives, that it didn't matter their age....or their health issues....they  would know..........This is not how the story is going to end.

Today I don't feel like a motivator.  Today in that meeting....I wanted to be excited for those other people who had accomplished so much.  Today, sitting at the side of the room, I wanted to stand up and say:    "No matter what, you have to stay motivated.  A torn Achilles Tendon and even Cancer....are just bends in the have to accept that you have them, let your body heal, do what must be done to get yourself healthy again.....and then (as they say), you have to climb right back up on the horse and ride like the wind.....reset your goals and get after achieving them again."  That's what I should have said.  But I didn't...I just sat there feeling sorry for myself.  Damn this Cancer.  Damn this waiting.  Damn this lifelong struggle to lose weight. give me a moment to cry.....and give me a moment to wallow in my own self pity.....Give me several moments....maybe the rest of the day to take some deep breaths and gain my composure and get my "I'm not afraid" face back on  

I can get through this.  I will be able to get back to the gym.  I will not let this stop me.  I promised myself and a lot of people that it is possible to get, stay and be fit at 99.  I am am not going to let you or myself down.  As so many wonderful singers like Frank Sinatra have sung before....I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again...because 

and because   and because 

and that's what I want my message here to I've said in some of my other posts.....Life may throw you curve balls......just keep on swinging.

Thanks for being a shoulder for me to cry on today.  Thanks for being patient with me.  Thanks for not always following my example....but instead facing failure and setbacks head on and just never ever give up.  I'll get through this cancer and you'll get through whatever demon you are's OK to cry and feel bad for a day.....but tomorrow.....Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off and Start all over again!  Smile even when you don't want to:

But for today.....if you don't mind......and join me if you want to.....just leave me a comment....that you get this occasional day that comes our way.....because today I'm having an.........
pity party

Be patient.......Time will tell.......

 Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A dear friend sent me this poem/statement...I remember it from 11 years ago and I still love it today....

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

And I agree....cancer is limited and cancer cannot do all of those things....but one thing cancer can do is make you anxious.  I know before the surgery, when I got the head cold/allergies *(or whatever it was I had).....all I could imagine was that the cancer had spread and was in my throat and in my sinuses and my thoughts were just rampant....It took me going to a doctor the weekend before the surgery for them to tell me it was most probably just allergies....or a viral head cold, that would just take time to get over.  I still found my self thinking the worse. Now that I've had the surgery, I am a little calmer although I still find myself freaking out about one thing are another.  For instance my back is slightly burning and itching a I immediately think it is my shingles returning........but I'm taking my temperature and constantly looking in the mirror or getting John to look at my back to see if he can see any bumps or blisters.  More than likely it's just something off of a new T-shirt I wore that maybe was rubbing against my back and irritated it. But the cancer makes me think crazy things.  I am trying to keep my thoughts positive-- that they got it all and that the margins and lymph nodes are clean. 

They notified me yesterday afternoon that I have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon this coming Thursday (November 21st)....hopefully it's not just for him to check how well I am healing.  Hopefully the pathology tests will be back and I can find out where I stand....and can be assigned to an oncologist to discuss and weigh out the treatment plan(s).  I guess you'd think I wouldn't be so anxious to start treatment. but I am.  I'd have started treatment the day after surgery if they had let me.

If you know me well, you know that I don't often discuss religion or politics or get up on a soap box and voice my opinion....but I guess maybe cancer makes you do strange things..... because lately I am finding myself furious at waiting to see what my results from the surgery/tissue/lymph node dissections are. If we can spend billions and billions of dollars to go to war and bomb places.....and then billions and billions of dollars to rebuild the places we've bombed....then why can't we find a way that would allow a pathologist to look at the tissue or lymph nodes removed in a surgery, right there in the operating room and tell you when you wake up in recovery what they found....yeh, we got everything, you're good to go or you'll benefit from this or that treatment or we need to do some additional surgery or you need some more extensive treatments. It just seems so ridiculous to me -- like the bulk of the money from this country is being used in the wrong place.  But that's just my opinion because I and several thousand other cancer patients are sitting at home waiting to get their results. Maybe the tests take that long 5-10 business days (business days makes you seem just like a statistic... a number...the ordering of a gift.)  My life and what is going on in my body is not a business day matter. Every day (even weekends), every hour, every minute is important.  Tomorrow can not come soon enough....and hopefully it will bring  more information in this story of mine or in the story of someone else who like me is waiting  to find out if "they got it all", "if any additional treatment will be require....and if so what it is.  

I wrack my brain to remember from almost 12 years ago, how the procedure went.  I know the surgeon didn't tell me the treatment; an oncologist did......and I haven't even been assigned an oncologist that may be another appointment for another day....and more waiting...........and I think you have to be about 2 weeks out of surgery before they begin any treatment....and tomorrow I'll be less than 1 weeks out......

So deep breath in......deep deep breath in....and deep full breath out....arms out, thumb and pointer fingers of each hand together think peaceful thoughts and let it go.....

How am I doing? Am I healing well? What did pathology find? What will my treatments be? When will they start? Who will my oncologist be?.....Right now, I don't know.....I guess, like it or not............  I have to wait patiently and time will tell


Monday, November 18, 2013

Life is full of colors......

Because I am just sitting and waiting...and waiting and sitting.....I don't have much new to write.  So I decided to share a post I did on my Whimseys-Writings-Thoughts blog. You'll see that it fits in well with my cancer journal.  Have a wonderful rest of today and hopefully I will hear something soon from pathology....although I really don't think I'll hear anything until later in the week.

 *Before I posted this to my Whimseys-Writings-Thoughts blog, this is what I wrote for a memoir writing group I belong to...our topic for this morning's meeting was "free form"....I called my writing........... Life is Full of Colors....


Taylor Swift is a wildly popular young singer/songwriter who recently wrote a song and an album called “Red”.  When asked how she decided on that name for the song and for the album, she said “This album is about emotions. I wrote this song about the fact that some things are just hard to forget….because the emotions involved with them were so intense and, to me intense emotion— is red.”  “There is nothing beige about being in a tumultuous, crazy, insane, semi-toxic relationship”. “Emotions have color.”   I wrote this piece with that thought in mind…….and I call it LIFE IS FULL OF COLORS

Each of our lives have many happenings....some randomly general and some very personal.  As you think about the things that have happened or are happening, the emotions involved in those happenings take on colors of their own.  When you think about those emotions, let them dance across the shiny saw-dusted golden wood floor of the ballroom of your mind, let them bounce back and forth like a white ping pong ball on the green table from one side of your brain to the other.  The thoughts and emotions start out as a tiny brown seed and can often turn into a time lapse picture and begins to grow, pushing its way through the gray mass developing their petals of violet or blue, sometimes red-- that slowly open and form a flower, then a bouquet and then a green meadow full of flowers. The thoughts from an incident or a time in your life, take on a life of their own-- like a tiny hairless chick that works itself out of the shell of a warm brown spotted egg...that soon becomes covered in fluffy yellow newborn down....and slowly wobbles on fragile unsteady gray-brown feet and opens its pale orange beak and tells the world it's here.

Some of those thoughts or emotions can explode into firework colors and develop into stories and some are just thoughts that pass like a colorless raindrop and never seem to find a full story line.

I've had a year full of happenings, a year full of colors. A lot of thoughts have presented themselves to me as candidates for stories.....asking to be given "a voice" but most don't make it to my own personal blind auditions. They ask to be given color and life...but I just can't seem to get the brush strokes right or the color to dry.

When I thought about what I wanted to write two events jumped to the front of the line, the loss of my Dad on March 1st and the trials and tribulations of my Achilles tendon surgery and recovery.

I'm still caressing the soft fragile black clay of my Dad's passing and as the potter's wheel continues to spin in my mind and my heart, it throws off wet globs of sadness over that event. I know the clay will have to harden a bit more, before I can find all the words, phrases, characters, and emotions to be able to write that story. ......I'm not ready to write about the slate gray cumbersome clouds and the blackness of that day.

And on a daily basis, especially when I spin wildly on a stationary bike, do calf raises, lunges, squats or power walk 5 miles I am reminded that the recovery of my torn and now repaired Achilles tendon is still not complete.....there are red flags telling me that story hasn't come full circle and so needs a successful ending to merit itself as a complete story.

But something happened recently and is still happening in my world that makes me want to write about a little girl's favorite color....the color pink.  It's the color most used in the blanket, booties, cap and first dress of a brand new baby girl. It's what we all grow up hearing is for boys and pink is for girls.  It's the color of the tiny bow placed on her head if she doesn't have much hair……......
it is all those things……..but today it is a color not associated with the innocence of a little girl, a color that doesn't necessarily speak of softness and is a color that represents to many women, some men, and now twice for me.....the strength and courage to fight and survive a scary monster called BREAST CANCER?

Having a mammogram is far far far from being even remotely pleasant.  But add to that the words ..."um, we'd like to take a couple more films"....or worse yet, "we see something that doesn't look quite right...that wasn't there last year...something that needs to be biopsied."  You don't feel pink and girly when you hear those words. You feel burgundy anger, queasy green, and white-knuckle scared.  First only one word comes to mind when you wonder frantically if you heard's a single word question ....WHAT? Then the second single word question -- WHY?  And then as gray fear covers your thoughts a two word question forms -- WHY ME! You don't actually say these words because the red of your blood has now drained and left you pasty white and nearly incapable of speaking. Only to be outdone by your lack of voice and the sparkle fading from your eyes when they confirm that it is indeed malignant....not only malignant but ..... Not "Ductal INSITU" which would mean it is encapsulated in the it's malignant and "Ductal INVASIVE" which means it is moving out of the duct. It is news you cry about...or at least I did....and even though you listen to all the terms, decisions and information that take on the oranges, blues and yellows of the bombs going off in your brain, you try to remain calm and you try to appear brave and confident. You get through the surgery... You somehow make it through the jaundice yellow the chemo makes you feel and the beige tiredness that comes with the red beam of radiation.  And the days pass, as do the weeks, the months and the years....for those of us who are lucky enough to win this battle.

But even though several years pass, you still get a pale blue icy feeling each time you get your yearly checkup, until the color of joy comes back to your whole body when you hear the words...."Everything looks good.....see you next year."

And when 11 years have passed, you walk through that door that says "Mammography” confidently, expecting to hear those very words again ..."Everything looks good.....see you next year."

You don't expect to hear the gut wrenching words déjà vu – "We see something that doesn't look quite right...we need to do a biopsy...  I'm so sorry to tell's cancer." 

Again you silently in your mind your fists beat on the blood red face of the fire breathing dragon monster that has once again invaded your body.... And like the Charlie Brown cartoon when all he hears from the teacher is wha wha wha wha, your mind goes blank to anything said after the word CANCER...and then those two word questions and statements scream silently in your brain....WHY ME?  NOT AGAIN!! 

And this time it's discovered in October....How's that for being "AWARE"!  And you strangely realize that part of the treatment may well fall on the day you become Medicare eligible and part of it will fall on the day you turn if that might have been a special birthday.

Your world becomes the greens, yellows, and purples of a fading bruise....and for a moment your whole world turns black and gray and blue....your very soul feels battered.

But then you remember you're a girl....and PINK is your color...and you had the courage, determination and positive attitude to fight it and beat it as you did before.  Can you do it again? OH YES YOU CAN!  

I am reminded of a quote by Dr. Seuss:
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind
Some come from ahead and some come from behind…
But I’ve bought a big bat….I’m all ready you see
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

So I shouted bring on the surgery and bring on the treatments....I'll get through this just watch me.... 

Last Friday, I had the surgery and that day was filled with hazy blues and soft faint greens that made up the Lidocaine injections, the stark blackness of the anesthesia and the pale airy colors of a rainbow brought on by nausea and pain medication.

Now I am in a world of emotions that are non-descript white – the world of waiting,,,,, waiting for the pathology reports to be returned; Reports that will bring me the passionate purple predictors of what my treatment or treatments will be….

But someday soon I'll have this all behind me ....again....and once again with a twinkle in my eye....I'll say....

"I'm doing just fine..."


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Ding Dong The Witch is Dead - Part D (as in DONE)

I am told, all went well.   There are no bandages....just internal stitches that will desolve and liquid skin over the incision. They brought me some crackers and apple juice, I get a few bites down and I drift in and out of sleep.  But then I have to go to the bathroom.  The nurse helps me up and the nausea takes over..........that truly has got to be one of the most horrible feelings in the world....I start crying....they gently guide me back to the bed.  They offer to give me some nausea medicine and some pain medication in my IV, before I leave, and I gladly accept.  The combination makes you 'wicked sleepy' (as they'd say it in Maine).  Zonkers......

I  don't remember getting dressed, I think I remember them coming with the wheel chair, but don't remember getting to the front door of the hospital where John was waiting for me with the car. I don't remember any of the ride home.  I remember sitting in the living room eating a small bite of something.....then it was time for me to take more nausea and pain meds....about 3:00, I decided to go lay down in the bed........ZONK!  I didn't wake up until 7:30 PM.  I got up and had a light dinner (an egg sandwich, I think) and more meds, back to bed by 9:30 and slept all night until about 7:30 the next morning.

I'm doing pretty well keeping ahead of the pain, but I am very swollen and I am very tender and the "every 4 hours" meds keep me in a semi-La La state.  I guess that is why they advise you do not drive until you are no longer taking the meds.

So that is pretty much where we are at the moment. They obviously made a mark the shape of a "new moon" where the incision was in my semi-La La state of mind, I declared that I have "A MOON OVER MY MAMMY"!!!

As far as we know at this point in time, they got it all and truly....

(Copy and paste the website below for a fun video)

 Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead !!