Shout out to those that keep showing up.....and to balance in our lives...

Good Sunday morning to all my readers....especially those who struggle every day to get and stay fit and healthy.

Yesterday was the last day of a short 6 week weight/fitness program that was offered at my gym.  I only lost 2 pounds, but I'm sure I lost inches and I know I gained strength and built up my self esteem.  I fully recognize that weight with me has been and probably will always be a struggle/battle.  I saw a post the other day that really spoke to me especially yesterday.  I really was hoping to win. Grand prize was four 1-hour sessions with a trainer!  Now that's a nice prize. But as I said I didn't win...didn't even come in second or third, but in my mind, I am a winner, because it got me back on track.

.....oh the poster, bet you're wondering what it said....here it is...

Because that's what's really important....that we keep showing up anyway. And that we quit making excuses. So you ate an extra cookie yesterday or you went out to dinner and maybe ate something a wee bit past your allotted calorie limit. Getting fit and healthy, losing weight and maintaining the loss is a life style.  It is not (or should not be) a quick fix. Life happens, you have to live life or you will always feel deprived and when you feel deprived, you set yourself up for failure. If you didn't make it to the gym yesterday, go today or take a brisk walk. Just keep showing up when you can and as often as you can. 

But don't let "when you can" and "as often as you can" become your excuse (I just don't have time)....that my friends is just a lot of bunk! We had company this last week for a couple of days and we have company coming for a couple of days this coming week.....so poor pitiful Peggy started with the wa wa wa....I had fitness classes scheduled and I had to cancel them....oh woe is me!  What was I thinking, that was just an excuse. I asked at the gym what time they open??? 5:30 AM  Light bulb moment for me ....................

No I couldn't go to my classes that were at 9:00 and 10:00 but I sure could get up early, get to the gym, workout for an hour and be back home probably before anyone else in the house was awake...Life happens, but don't let it become an excuse.  Figure out an alternative or if you truly don't have an alternative....DO NOT GET ALL POUTY AND BEAT YOURSELF UP!
Show up the next day or ask your guests if they want to go for a short walk.  They might just surprise you and welcome a bit of exercise (especially if they've driven a ways to get to you).

They are going to do the program at my gym again in the fall and I plan to be ready for it. In fact I may not need it, because my plan is to show up every time that I am able between now and then, either at the gym or at my home gym or just to take a walk.  I'm going to do something. 

BALANCE....
So have you ever stepped on one of those old type scales where you move that little bar across and get that little lever at the far right to stop teetering right in the middle of the opening.  I hate those scales because they are usually more accurate than any of the floor scales we use most of the time. It's that little 1/4 of a pound that will make it stop bobbing up and down.  Sometimes it can be a yahoo moment and sometimes that 1/4 pound can be a real groaner but getting that point of balance is the true test of getting your accurate weight.

And so it is with our lives too. Don't get me wrong, my husband calls me a gym rat and I smile proudly when he calls me that.  I love exercising.  The gym is my happy place.  And I will be the first to admit, I can go overboard occasionally  (note John's eye roll as I say 'occasionally')....  It's taken a long time and the constant playing over and over and over again in my mind of my trainer in Texas (Shepherd Green) saying "Peggy, do you not know the meaning of rest" or "Peggy, you have to have balance in your life".  You set yourself up for failure if you just make one thing consume your life. Even true athletes who compete and practice for hours a day, have other interests.  I am learning to understand the importance of that concept.  I am learning that it works for me to get up early and get my workout in, which leaves the rest of the day for me to sew, write, paint, read a book .....to do the other things that interest me and bring me joy.  Early morning exercising works for me.  It may not work for you.  If it doesn't, then do it when it works for you. If you have to spend your day at work (if you aren't retired) and getting in an afternoon workout or an after dinner workout, works for you, then do that.  This is a lifestyle.  Find a way to make it a part of your daily life.  Fit in 15, 20, 30 or 60 mins. each day.  Just keep showing up.  Your body will thank you for it.  I have a tee-shirt I love to wear that says just that:

     I AM DOING SOMETHING TODAY

MY FUTURE SELF WILL THANK ME FOR

I am 68 years old....and this is what I want my future to look like.....this is what I want to be doing at 77 and beyond. 

Well really in my wildest dreams this is really what I'd like to be doing.  I know you're laughing and shaking your head at my "over the top" lofty goals.  But you never know....what I do know is I'm going to keep showing up

Have a wonderful Sunday.  Don't give up. Find creative ways to get some exercise in. Be creative in getting in some healthy meals.  Be creative in finding balance in your life.  And most importantly KEEP SHOWING UP!

Yours in healthy and fitness,

Peg

You haven't heard the last of me.......

Here we are 10 days into March, 2017.  How did that happen? I used to hear the older you get the quicker time passes by and oh it is soooooo true.  So we simply can't waste time in our effort to get and stay fit. The longer you hesitate to take that first little step, the harder it gets.   I was chatting on Facebook with my friend Peggy Ann, both of us agreeing that we've let our "ever older" bodies gather moss as it slowly rolls down the hill of aging.  And we both agreed to that we feel like we've been out of the saddle too long and it's high time we climbed back on that horse and get serious once again. 

And yes we are giving ourselves credit for that....and you should too!  Half the battle is to never give up.  Sometimes we do great and the marathon is on....and sometimes we get complaisant and start legging behind. But the secret is to get up off the couch and once again, put one foot in front of the next and move forward.  We just have to keep trying, keep moving, keep restarting.  Of course the way to keep from having to keep restarting, is to NOT STOP.  But we did...and we just have to not beat ourselves up. We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and vow that this time, we'll be more disciplined, more determined, more dedicated.

This morning, at the gym, when I was doing (or I should say, trying to do) my 1-leg stands and exercises on a BOSU ball, a song came on my iPod that I love.  It has so much meaning.  When I am "again" getting back in my groove, when I'm beginning to feel alive again, beginning to have people at the gym tell me they see some improvement in the way my clothes fit and in my attitude (EVEN IF THE SCALE JUST LAYS ON THE FLOOR AND BLATANTLY LIES TO ME!), this song pulls me through, this song makes me want to not give up.  This song makes me determined.  Because Cher had it so right..........You haven't seen the last of me!

And then as I progress on into my exercise, and when whichever leg I am on is shaking and I am reminding myself to "engage my core" to give me more balance...and reminding myself that I can get back to where I was....and I will get back up again....I listen to this song by R. Kelly and as he says...
"If I can see it, then I can be it.  If I just believe it......I believe I can fly!

If you're hesitating, make this be the day you walk 5 minutes, or walk around the block once, or do 10 squats. Make this the day you say.....(no make this the day you scream) "THIS IS NOT THE END OF MY STORY!" Make this the day you see a vision of what you want to be, a vision of what you want to look like......take that first step.....BELIEVE.....THE BODY ACHIEVES WHAT THE MIND BELIEVES.

Here take my hand....I'll walk that first time around the block with you.  It doesn't matter how slow you go, whatever you do, you're way outrunning anyone sitting on the couch.

Come on, together we can do this.  I know Peggy Ann agrees with me!

To your health and fitness,

Warm hugs,

Peggy Lee    

You can  contact me at peggylee57@aol.com

Ahhhh Adele......

Got up this morning to do my plank and my 100 push-ups (it's a self challenge I'm doing for 100 days) and while doing my plank I turned on this song....by Adele, "A Million Years Ago" and it made me think and relate it to my lifelong roller coaster ride with my weight...."I know I'm not the only one...that regrets the things I've done...."

I'm sure the song has a much deeper meaning than that....but words to a song (to me anyway) have different meanings at different times....

So with this short post, enjoy the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7zIHI-Bw6Y   

(There's a short commercial before the song starts)

I'm off to my spin class.....see you later.

Do something to improve your fitness and health today.....take that first step....it will lead to a marathon!

Have a great day.

How many excuses.......

                      

Hi from the land of sunshine and oranges. 

Did you think I had dropped off the face of the earth? 

I can certainly understand why you might think that.  It's been way way too long since I posted (8 months to be exact) and oh so much has happened since then.

We took a road trip to Florida in July, 2016 just to look around, ended up in Ocala, Florida (horse country, smack in the middle of the state) and decided we'd take a leap and move there.  We figured we'd be closer to our girls in Maine, closer to our friends in Florida, and what the heck....closer to Mickey an Minnie!!! But still a short 2-hour non-stop flight back to visit sweet family in Texas and an even closer flight to see my son and daughter-in-law in Louisiana.

We found a home in a gated active adult community, went back to Texas, put our house on the market, started the tedious task of packing, sold our home and ventured out to our new home in Florida. We started this process in July and were finally here the end of September......but didn't get fully settled in until after the first of the year!  Well I don't have to tell you (or maybe I do) that with all the selling, packing, traveling, unpacking, furnishing, making new curtains, dealing with illness that hit us both after we got here, getting settled in, then the holidays.......(OK those were the excuses!) I had very little time to go to the gym or workout and my healthy eating basically went down the tube.  I hate to admit it, but, as we say in Texas, "boy hidy" I fell off the wagon big time.  Heck, I didn't just fall off the wagon, I fell into a vat of biscuits and sausage gravy and wallowed around in it like I'd lost my ever lovin' mind!  And I don't have to tell you, if you don't eat healthy and don't exercise for 4-5 months all that hard work you did prior to your fall pretty much goes out the window....and that little dress I got into in May.....is in my closet crying under the plastic cover I have over the hanger....and me along with it!

But that is not the end of this post...oh no....say it isn't so! I sat myself down, took myself by the shoulders and shook myself and in the famous words of Cher, in the movie Moon Struck, I said (to myself) "SNAP OUT OF IT".  I did it before, I can do it again.

So I joined a gym, hopped back on that horse, got me some great DVDs for home workouts and I am happy to say.....

 

Oh my friends, I have a ton (ugh no pun intended) of work to do to get back to where I was, but I will do it....and if you don't mind, I'll take you on my journey.

Moving to Florida has been stressful on me for some reason (and I'm a stress eater), I've moved a billion times before (OK maybe not a billion), but lots...so you'd think this would have been a breeze. But it wasn't.  I'm finally chilling out and starting to enjoy life here and I have to say a lot of it is the wonderful gym and the people there that have boosted me back up on the horse....

"The Ranch" (How appropriate is that name) is a wonderful gym.  I'm back to doing spin classes (which I love), strength classes, TRX and I've even tried out a class called BEAT where you exercise with drum sticks...sometimes known as Pound Workout https://www.youtube.com/user/PoundRockoutWorkout It's wild!

So that's where I've been, and this is where I am.  I know the climb up the mountain will be slow and tedious. But as Earnestine Shepherd (80 years old and in the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest woman body builder) always says (and has printed on all her workout clothes) you have to be DETERMINED, DEDICATED AND DICIPLINED. And that is my goal for 2017. And as my friend Stephanie Kathmann (Beachbody online coach) always asks "HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

There is a lot of room on my wagon.....If you want to join me in this continuing journey.....jump on board.....it's game time!!!

Remember.....THE BODY ACHIEVES WHAT THE MIND BELIEVES ...and
YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD -- IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.

It's not the destination....it's the journey and you have to keep moving...

June 18, 2016

Good grief....where have I been.  My last post was a year ago!!!  But Woooo Hoooo...... that my friends is great news for me because I realize that I'm still as motivated and passionate about getting healthy and fit as I was a year ago.

I've decided it's time to start writing in this blog again and I promise I will.  Today's post will be short, but I had to write it to do a shout out and bring to the lime light and to your attention a woman that I recently discovered. A woman that is motivating me to another level.  Her name is STEPHANIE KATHMANN.  Here's a link to her Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/Stephaniekathmann3       She has tons of YouTube videos (ie.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHKWxN4BlDo

She is a Beachbody coach and I want to tell you this lady has more energy, enthusiasm and motivation to offer than almost anyone I've ever seen.  Check her out. You will not be disappointed.

This past year has found me trying to get to the gym or at least get some kind of workout done every day.  I've discovered TRX straps and love them.  Check it out at https://www.trxtraining.com/?c3api=3300,{creative},www.trx.com (with these you use your own body weight)

  I've been doing cycle spin classes avidly with a new instructor Cara Cunningham.  If you are in the Georgetown, Texas area check her out   http://www.cdchomeworkout.com/

I've been mixing up workout routines to try new things. 
JUST KEEP MOVING! 
DO SOMETHING!
TAKE THAT FIRST STEP!!!
NO EXCUSES! 
YES YOU CAN!

I recently went to my 50th Class Reunion...(graduated in 1966)  What fun!  I worked really hard to try to look great in a dress I made from scratch....Here it is:

At 67, I was happy with the way it turned out.....the dress and me  :)

Don't give up....keep pushing....as you can see I've been working for over a year  (well really most of my adult life) and I finally found the secret...I've only just begun....I fully intend to be FIT AT 99! 

(The secret is...."The body achieves what the mind believes")

  And I believe .....NEVER TOO OLD  NEVER TOO LATE  to get healthy and fit.
Check back, I'll be here again soon.

To Health and Fitness...

Peg Snyder

The Best Day Of My Life! (Me sing a song?)

Good Morning!  I hope your day is starting off as wonderful as mine is. There is a reason  for that and please feel free to use it to kick start your day too.

I don't know if any of you know this, but I am a music person....no I don't write music (I wish I did), no I don't sing (I really wish I did.....in fact in my next life I plan on singing and dancing on Broadway), but I just love music.  I like to dance to it (yes lots of times in my living room, by myself!), I like to power walk to it, jog to it, run to it...) music (all types) brings me joy.  Mostly I try to find songs to add to my playlists on my iPod that have a real beat to them (and yes even at 66 sometimes that includes rap...Ha Ha!)  Recently I've been looking for songs that inspire me, that talk about being a fighter and a survivor and a champion.  I've come across a song that actually came out in 2013 (where the heck have I been?)  It's by a group call American Authors and it's called "The Best Day of My Life".  When I found it yesterday, I decided it would be a great song to start each day, so starting this morning, I got up, plugged my ear buds in my ears and played this song.....and yes danced in my living room. That was about an two and a half hours and I'm still smiling.

Here's a video of the music and words.....THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (by American Authors)

(If the video doesn't work when you hit the arrow, copy the link below into your browser and enjoy!)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fTUj9mfnUk

I'm a firm believer that every day when you wake up, you have two choices.  You can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy.....or as I've heard it so appropriately put  "you can rise and shine..... or you can rise and whine".  And I don't care how old you are,  or what your circumstances are, this is true.  I am inspired every day when I go to the gym by people who have 20 years or more on me, who are using walkers, braces, in wheel chairs who do not let anything stop them.  They choose each day to live to the fullest.  They choose to make each day, the best day of their lives. They truly make me ask, "Now what was my excuse?"

I met a 60 year old woman yesterday who has lost 100 pounds. Her trip like many of ours has been up and down...the proverbial roller coaster ride of losing, gaining, and losing.  But she joined Weight Watchers, stuck with it, started going to the gym, got a trainer and even got up the courage to train for and enter an onstage contest where she had to wear a two piece bathing suit and high heels.  She looks amazing....not like a body builder, just toned and firm....but more importantly healthy....and most importantly happy.  She was just beaming from the inside out! It's true that we do get happy when we lose weight (if we're trying to lose weight), but we also have to be happy to lose weight.  You know a lot of it is a mind game.  You have to "see" the person you want to be in your own mind's eye.  You have to believe you can accomplish whatever you set out to accomplish.  You have to set goals and push yourself each day just a little further, a little bit out of your comfort zone.  The time doesn't matter.  If you're trying to balance on one leg and you can only do 10 seconds....then do 10 seconds, and keep working at it until you can do 20 seconds etc. etc. etc. and repeat  You'll get there.  Remember as Jesse J (if you don't recognize the name, she's a pop singer) says in her song "Masterpiece" 

I still fall on my face sometimes and I
Can't color inside the lines 
'cause I'm perfectly incomplete
I'm still working on my masterpiece 

That my friends is the secret, you just have to keep working at it.  Yes we all have bad days when we overeat, yes we all have days when we DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THE GYM, or go for that walk, or get off the couch....so have that day....and then start fresh the next day....just don't give up.  The greatest athletes, the greatest authors, the greatest painters, the greatest business men/women, and yes, the people who have succeeded and maintained in this sometimes grueling world of weight loss and control, failed a million times before they were a success.

Some of you may not know, but I'm doing Weight Watchers.  I love it!  I love it!  I love it! 
I love it because nothing is off limits (NOTHING). It's all about portion.  You never feel deprived. It makes you super conscious of what and how much you put in your mouth.  Some people hate counting the points, but if you've never tried it, give it a go.  There's a meeting place in almost every city.  I've lost 27 pounds since February (along with 10 pounds I'd lost on my own before I started), so I'm down 37 pound since last November.  And yes I have weigh ins where I don't lose a pound and even some where I've gained a pound. But after lots of tears and fretting, I've come to understand that's just part of this crazy game....you win some, you lose some.....but you just have to keep trying.  And it is never ever ever too late.  You are never too old.  You are never too overweight.  As the sayings go:

   

I'll end my post today with something else I'm sure you don't know that I did.....and the funny part...

There is a new show coming out on NBC (next spring) called S.T.R.O.N.G. (Start To Realize Our Natural Greatness).  It's by the same people who do Biggest Loser, The Voice, and Survivor.  It's not a weight loss show, but rather a show for people who want to get strong....who want to start realizing their natural greatness.  They will pick 6 men and 6 women and 12 trainers (each person will have their own trainer) and they'll compete for a prize.  There was a casting call in Austin about a month ago and I went to the casting call and tried out.  I was the oldest person there and..... I didn't get a call back (at least not yet..wink wink), but I went and I tried.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and just went for it!  So here's the funny part.  A few days ago (or I should say a few nights ago) I had a dream that I got the call....YOU'VE BEEN CHOSEN FOR S.T.R.O.N.G.     Yahooooooo, in the dream I was jumping up and down and screaming with delight.  I flew out to Los Angeles and when I walked in the studio, this is how the conversation went:

Them: "What song did you write and are going to perform?"
Me:  "WHAT? I have to sing a song?  I thought this was 'STRONG'!
Them:    "No....this is a SONG competition!"

I woke up laughing........ I probably won't get that call back to be on that show....but I am still happy I went and tried out.  I've decided that's how my life is going to be from here on out.  I'm going to keep trying.  I'm going to be happy and live life to the fullest.....I'm going to step out of my comfort zone more often.  I'm going to try new things.  I'm going to push myself at the gym and challenge myself to do one more push up or one more minute in a plank......I'm going to win this battle with my weight and every morning I'm going to choose to be happy and tell myself....

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE....

Let it be yours too!
 

A Few Simple Words

This morning my words to you are simple....actually they come from a poster I found on Pinterest....I currently have this as my screen saver to remind me....when you're  running short on time (as I am today) you just have to keep on trying....In 30 mins. you can do a great workout....(or 5, 10, 15 mins.. Just do something)  EVERY LITTLE STEP KEEPS YOU GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.....

I've heard it's never to late to get back in shape.....Now I'm a believer!

Hi everyone....

I know, I know you thought I had abandoned this blog.  But I didn't.  I just got way way way off the beaten path and forgot to leave a bread crumb trail. But I clawed my way back through the jungle, learned to eat berries and fresh food off the land and found my way back.


I am pumped up as much, if not more, than I was in 2012 when I was down to my fighting weight....you know before I lost my dad, before I had Achilles Tendon surgery and went through that long long long (did I say long) recovery and before I was diagnosed the second time with breast cancer.....remember me back then...well if not (if you're just meeting me) or just returning after a long time (because you thought I wasn't writing this blog anymore)...this is what I looked liked then

   

I was just about 7-10 pounds away from what I weighed in my early 30s. I guess you might say I was on top of the world and then I started "celebrating" right back to where I was when started.

Please tell me you can relate to that!  How many times have you lost and regained that 40-50-60 pounds.  It's a vicious cycle until you GET IT !   What does that mean....well it means you have to engage your mind.  YOU CAN ACHIEVE WHAT YOUR MIND BELIEVES. So before you can get the 3 parts of losing weight and getting fit (Determination, Dedication, Discipline), you have to get your mind on board.  You have to convince yourself that you're not too old, that you're not too overweight, that it is possible no matter what your age, no matter what you weigh, no matter what shape your belly, muscles, joints are in, to turn that all around....and yes it will take time....and yes it will not always be easy....and yes you will have to eat healthy.  But you can get back in shape.  You can get healthier and feel better physically and mentally.  You can extend your life.  You can see your children give you grandchildren.  You can see your grandchildren grow up .  I want to tell the whole world you can do this.  Just put one foot in front of the other and start with baby steps.  Remember when you go outside and walk for 5 minutes,  you are walking circles around the person sitting on the couch.

I live in an "active senior" community and I thank God everyday that I decided to move here. Yes there are pretty much 'all' seniors here (and I do miss the laughter of children), but I will tell you that the people who go to our gym inspire me beyond words.  We have a gentleman that I believe is 93 years old who walks from his home to the gym (luckily he lives close by) with his walker twice a day.  Once a day he does a few exercise machines and once a day he gets in the pool and walks.  We have people with bad backs, hurting shoulders, aching knees and just the aches and pains of aging.  But the ones that get out and walk, the ones that make it to the gym, the ones that take chair yoga, the ones the make an effort to keep moving..............keep moving. 

And for a lot of them,and yes even for me....it's not always easy..... but as the saying goes:

                                                      

    

Right now while you're reading this (or get up and go look in the mirror) .... say to yourself.... I deserve to be fit and happy.  I'm not too old to start.  I'm not to overweight to set a goal and reach it. I'm not too tired to take that first step.  I can do this. And tell yourself that everyday if you have to until you believe it....

  

Check back....I'll be writing again.....  Come on.  We can do this...together!

Pinterest = Addiction!???

I got up this morning determined I was going to write in both of my blogs and I have spent the last
2- 1/2 hours on Pinterest.  Really Peggy!!!

For some reason Pinterest is addictive.  When I'm in it, my mind is like a kid in a gigantic candy store....Fashion, Quotes, Recipes, Hair, Makeup, Writing thoughts and ideas, Books and the list just goes on and on and on.  You read one thing and want to go to the page of the person who pinned it and you read something else there and it takes you to another page and another page and another page.

Geeze think of how much I could get done, if my mind got that excited about cleaning or working out at the gym or writing.

I think I'll work on that thought.  How to convert the thrill you get from Pinterest into other avenues of your life!!!!

PINTEREST is evil :)
OK  I'm going out to plant flowers now....
Because I've wasted so much time this morning, I'm posting this to my Whimseys-Writings-Thoughts blog too.

Note to self....and Happy Birthday Daddy

June 9, 2014

Wow, can it really already be a month since I last wrote on this blog. Some motivator for fitness I am!

But before we get into this post, I want to say Happy Birthday to my Daddy.  Today he would have been 91 years old.  I lost him on March 1, 2013 and I still miss him terribly. Yesterday when I was thinking about what today would have been (his birthday), tears welled up in my eyes....but then I made myself think happy thoughts.  He's no longer in pain and today I'm guessing for lunch he will be having a huge bowl of gumbo with my maternal grandma, Mama, and some dirty rice and beans made by my aunt Gloria (who both lived in New Orleans before they passed) and for dinner he will be having chicken and dumplings followed by warm banana pudding made by Grandma Violet, his mother (it was what she made when we would visit and it was always the best).  And I'm sure my Uncle Emile will go with him to enjoy those meals.  Those thoughts made me smile and when I talked to my mom on the phone telling her about them, I could hear a smile in her voice.  So Happy Birthday Daddy.  Enjoy!  I miss you and love you dearly.

Life seems to be getting better.  My steps are baby steps, but I feel like I'm making some progress. I'm getting to the gym more often and I'm not having to take as many anti-anxiety pills.  I think the exercise is a big factor, but the other thing that has helped me tremendously is forgiveness. When someone hurts you by their decisions, actions or nature, you can let it hurt you, you can let it eat you up inside, you can let it bring you emotionally to a stand still.  Or you can sit yourself down (or with a therapist) and you can have a heart to heart talk with yourself....and if that someone is important in your life, you can forgive them for whatever they've done to hurt you.  You don't even have to say it to their face.  You just have to forgive them in your heart and mind.  Oh what a weight that takes off your shoulders and your heart.  How freeing that is to allow you to move on.  If you hold that hurt in your heart and let it eat at you, then it's just like holding a grudge or hanging on to guilt.....you let them win.  Especially if it's something you can not change. Life's too short and family is too precious. You can't imagine the change it has made in how I feel and in how much I cry (or don't cry) now.  Now when I cry, it's usually from the dang side effects of the Aromasin (post-cancer medicine) I'm taking.  It's nasty stuff with lots of icky side affects.

As I'm writing this I got to thinking I could apply this thought to exercise and losing weight.  Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself (maybe lots of times).  We're all human and sometimes we fall off the wagon (at least I do....and sometimes "a lot").  Lately (with my emotions being open and raw and exposed), I tend to beat myself up, if the scale doesn't budge or goes the wrong way, if I sleep in and miss my early morning spin class.  Well I had one of those selfies (no not the picture of myself taken with my cell phone), but one of those (slap in the face....get over it) talks to myself.  I've learned to forgive myself and move on.  OK so I slept through the early morning spin/cycle class....then get out the schedule and see if there is one later in the day or a couple of other fitness classes that can give you some meaningful cardio exercise....or go to the gym and get on the treadmill for an hour. Don't spend the day, making excuses for the excuse you made. It's not the end of the world....it's just not.  It took a long time to put this weight on and to get out of shape and feel unfit.  But if you keep after it, if you keep trying....keep going to fitness classes and the gym...and eat healthy.....it may take a while, but you will get there.

It's how I've had to look at the "me" I am right now.  A lot of things happened to get me to this point....a lot of unhappy things.  But I've decided not to continue to dwell on them and talk about them....that just keeps the unhappiness alive.  You know me and Pinterest.....well sure enough I found some quotes that I love....


                                                           
Actually when I think about it, life if pretty darn good right now. You know the saying (or maybe you don't)...."All you need is all you have".  I have everything I need and then some.  I have a beautiful home, great neighbors, a man that loves me dearly and not only tells me, but shows me how much every day, I have my health (with a few caveats), I have food on my table and I am making the time to exercise and write.  So really what do I have to complain about.

I can't close this post without mentioning Amy Purdy  http://www.amypurdy.com/ 
She is the young woman who danced with Derek Hough on this past season of Dancing With The Stars.  She is a double amputee having had both legs removed below the knee.  But she has not let that stop her.  She is a world class snowboarder who competed in Sochi, Russia and she came in second in Dancing With The Stars.  This young woman is phenomenal and every time I watched her dance, I always said..."And Peggy, what did you say your excuse was?"

We can do this people.  We can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps (no matter how frazzled and worn they are) and we can get fit and healthy and we can be fit and healthy when we're 99.

Here's another prime example....http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/06/02/318238155/91-year-old-woman-breaks-marathon-record   
Onward and upward!  Have a beautiful healthy and happy day!

It's a Pinterest inspiring morning.

May 4, 2014

This morning I woke up with a queasy stomach.  That seems to happen a lot lately (no for heaven's sake...I'm not pregnant!!!) ....queasy stomach, weepy eyes, heavy sighs.  I want to wake up feeling alive, healthy, happy, motivated....I want to find the old me.  The one who lived to exercise, the one who ate healthy, the one who smiled all the time and motivated people.....the one whose daddy still lived 2 hours away....the one who could say confidently....yes I had cancer, but that was 12 years ago.

Part of that person I can't get back....so now I want to accept the decisions people have made for what they are and move on. I want to believe my daddy is in a better place and not hurting anymore.  I want to except the fact that yes I did get cancer again....but I'm still here and that no one can promise me I won't get it again....but I can't worry about that. I want to be healthy again...healthy and fit and happy....and I want to stop all this continuous crying.....I guess I never realized my heart and feelings were so fragile.  Although haven't I been told all my life that I was "thin skinned", that "I take things too seriously", that I am "too soft-hearted for my own good".

So sometimes early in the morning I get up and turn my computer on and key in the word "Pinterest" and all these wonderful motivational, inspiring, "knowing", "understanding" posters come up....that bring me comfort.....knowing that somewhere out there someone feels like I do, or has felt like I do and is trying to help me get through this....this...this...whatever this is.

This morning I found these:

                                                       

then I found this one....and it made me smile....because believe you me...
if this were true....I'd be Twiggy or Kate Moss!                                                                                                                                                                                
    I went to see my oncologist the other day....to tell her how I had been feeling and to see if perhaps
the aromatase inhibitor they have me on to inhibit the production of estrogen in my body needs to be changed.  I knew full well when I started taking them they were going to mess with my hormones....so that in itself if enough to deal with....then along with all the other things going on in my life, it's got me in a real tizzy. One thing she did tell me was something I didn't realize might well me part of my unhappiness right now....part of my feeling lost and confused....and sad......she said it is not uncommon 'at all' for people who have had cancer twice to be scared....even when they've made it through the treatment......to feel like every ache and pain and low feeling might mean that they have cancer somewhere else in their body.....and sometimes when you're in the middle of having those feelings (even if they are buried and you don't realize you are feeling them) and there are lots of other things you are dealing with..... you kind of get to the end of your rope.  Your body can take just so much stress....so much grief....and you literally come to ...as they saying goes...."your wits end".  I guess I hadn't thought of it that way....but when she said it, I actually felt better....like I wasn't going nuts....Then she suggested I talk to someone professional who might help me get on a more even keel for a while until I can once again see the light at the end of the tunnel.   There are lots of  people that have been quoted as saying "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"....but I'm also remembering that  "When you reach the end of your rope, you will find the hem of His garment".

I had a rather embarrassing episode of uncontrollable tears in the doctor's office when I found out I could not see that "professional" until July.....and then this morning....lovely Pinterest showed me this:
 
 So I'm working on me and I'm going to try to write more often.  It helps to get my feelings down on paper or screen....it helps me let them go....

So instead of waking up with a queasy stomach, weepy eyes, heavy sighs, I need to do what Pinterest reminds me to do .....and really....what in my heart I know I need to do.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I need to remember to say

And I need to remember what 8 year old Hannah Cheatam says:
                                                                                                    

Because after all.....yes my dad is gone and yes I miss him madley....and yes I've had cancer again and yes decisions have been made in my family that I don't understand (well I guess I understand) but that I've allowed to hurt me and yes I've regained a lot of the weight I'd lost and yes I am having to force myself to go to the gym each day and to eat healthy (when comfort food and sugar keep trying to tell me they are my friends....which they are not!) and yes yes yes....I do feel like I'm finding it harder to be strong and happy.....

What I have to remind myself is I'm the girl who loves a self challenge...I'm the girl who knows how to be strong and persevere....I'm still grieving, I'm still scared, I'm still sad, I'm still worn out from the past year and a half.....but as the wonderful saying goes....TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE....SO..........




A last thought..........some of you who have been following this blog might recall a while back that I mentioned a lady I met at the Radiation Treatment place....Sue.............yesterday I went to have a pedicure and when I got there they told me they had given me the wrong time and could I come back 45 minutes later.......no problem... it would give me a chance to scoot over to the grocery store and get my shopping done that I had planned on doing after the pedicure.  I had not seen or heard from Sue since the middle of January.  To my great pleasure I was pushing my cart and looked up and there she was smiling at me.  (I'm a believer in God's timing and being at certain places at certain times) Maybe I'm a Pollyanna, but I believe that pedicure time got changed for a reason.....because if I had gone after my pedicure I never would have seen her.  She looked happy and healthy and full of life (remember she'd had to do Chemo and Radiation).  Seeing her made my day.  Seeing her renewed my spirit....because I guess whomever said it was right about the 3 true words of life....IT GOES ON.....
And it's way too short to hold on to the past and worry about the future....today is the only day we are promised and actually this hour is the only hour we are promised.....I need to start making the best of this limited time we all have (and I have)

As many of you know I love to write....I've been writing a novel for ages and just never seem to get back to it....but Pinterest did not let me down this morning.....in all my gloom and doom and "poor pitiful me" I found this and it made me laugh and smile.....and by golly I think it is MY SIGN!






I'll get through this (maybe with the help of professionals)...maybe on my own...maybe by running into a "new friend"....maybe by forgiving and letting things go...so I can move on and maybe as Hannah says....I'll paint myself a new color
  .....and take a different view at things...

  Have a great day.....

Don't pay the randsom....

Hey there.....so I guess maybe you all thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth....and sometimes it feels like that.  And sometimes I wish the world would stop so I could step off for a while.

I've kind of gotten myself into a mental pickle of sadness, guilt, resentment, and very mixed emotions about things that I never thought would bother me.

Suffice it to say I am not my old cheerful, motivated, committed bubbly self and I decided it was time for me to try to work at climbing out of this black hole in which I've found myself drowning.

So I'm seeing a therapist and trying to talk (and write) my feelings out.  I seem to be weepy all the time and have an overwhelming feeling that my life has turned upside down.



Anyway, as I've said before, last year was just brutal (for me) and now some new things have happened that has added another layer to my emotional turmoil.  But I'm going to deal with them and where necessary, share my feelings with the people (who have for a lack of a better word and to soften my real feelings) have confused me by their actions.

What I do know is that I don't have the right to insist on others living the way I do....and equally they don't have the right to insist that I change my life for them. I am learning that guilt is something I create.  I have to refer back to an earlier post and a poster I used for a while on my desk top that said
I've gotten myself in a quandary full of guilt about taking care of my mother, since the loss of my dad.  It's an ongoing battle in my head and in my heart.  This is a really personal matter, so I won't go into all the details.  What I do know is that I need to share with her my feelings (which may not be easy)....but as part of my healing I need to do that....and I will....one of these days.

The other major thing that is upsetting me to the ends of the earth is all the weight I've gained.  I know my cheering squad keeps telling me that I've had a bad year and I'll get back there....and yes that is true....but in the meantime I am doing what I've told people I myself was trying to inspire....that being.... beating myself up over the weight gain.  I have officially gained back almost all of the weight I had lost when I started getting serious about my health a year and a half ago.....and I have to walk away from this blog right now....because the defeated feelings that are coming over me right now and the tears welling up in my eyes, I can't handle right now....(I'll be back).............

Hi....I'm back....It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote the above.....I'm not much less weepy, but a little less.  I've been doing a lot of writing...poems, observations and letters as a type of therapy for what ails me.  And I've had some face to face talks which have in some way helped........but I'm not 100% sure of that.  I am making an earnest effort to get back to fitness classes, doing weight machines at the gym and getting in some extra walks, power and leisurely....just trying to rebuild the motivation and commitment I used to have....trying to remember the good feeling I always go when I exercised.  Trying so desperately to once again bounce out of bed each morning eager to start the day and see which fitness class I was scheduled to go to that day or what part of my body I was going to exercise. Not being there....and finding it such a struggle to get back there is just tearing me up. Could someone just give me  a kick in the butt.....or do the scene from the the movie "Moonstruck" where Cher slaps the guy in the face and screams "SNAP OUT OF IT". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY

Well I'm off to my writing meeting where I'll be reading a few pages from the novel I've been writing for the last 100 years.....writing is my passion....so at least it will be a diversion.  And then this afternoon I have a Boot Camp class.....where I can kick myself in the butt!

Onward and upward......pull, pull, pull me out of this dark dungeon.  I need to see the light of day again and find my smile.

Go ahead write a comment and give me some words of wisdom. PULLLLLEEEEEZZZZE!


Hugs!  Hope you had a wonderful Easter.

As soon as Christmas is over....the next thing you know it's March!

 I have said the words in my title for years and years and years.  Because each year that is exactly how it feels to me....the big hullabaloo of the "commercialized" side of Christmas and the holidays....the excitement, the laughter, joy and expectation.....or the sadness when it's the first Christmas without a loved one...it starts back at Halloween...then Thanksgiving....the the rushful glitter and glow of Christmas or holiday lights and sparkles, gifts.........and then it's over......kerplunk.....until a week later and then it often feels like a renewal (not the kind of renewal you feel at springtime), but a renewal -- a "start-over" if you will.

You make resolutions, even make plans to keep those resolutions, look toward the future, make travel plans, make wedding plans, there are 365 fresh days to work with.  The world is there for your taking with all it's excitement and color--offering itself up to you.  So it's natural to want to take it by the horns and decide with happy abandon and commitment to make changes, take on new responsibilities, try new things.

Once you've got your list made and some of your plans worked out....well there goes January....and then because the stores put out Valentine's candy, flowers, hearts etc. as soon as the Christmas decorations come down, you know February must be right around the corner and because it's the shortest month....it seems to swoosh by.  I mean here we are the 25th......what happened to the beginning and middle of the month..........and so as I say "As soon as Christmas is over, the next thing you know....it's March".

And I am realizing that I have not posted since the end of January. And so much has happened.  I finished my radiation treatments (but you knew that) (see my post "Wednesday - January 15th......Doing the Happy Dance!!!!")  Since then I've started my new medicine Aromasin that I will probably be taking for 5 years, I've been to New Orleans and Mississippi and now find myself struggling with panic attacks............Oh yes the fun just never ends. But I refuse to let them get the best of me.  I have some theories of what is causing them -- of what has caused them in the past-- and that perhaps (and this has been acknowledge by a doctor) that perhaps the new medication is heightening them........after all when you start messing with a woman's hormones, you're bound to have a little bit of the "crazies" dancing around....my concern is that it has become an almost daily event and I am having to take a prescribed anxiety medication on a daily basis where before I took it maybe once every 2-3 months.....so something is going on....and I want to get it checked out before it becomes debilitating.

I am faced with some new challenges in my family dynamics since my dad passed away (not so unlike what many go through when their role in the family changes). I'm on a new med that inhibits the production of estrogen and progesterone in my body.....and to my great dismay and related to this blog....I've gained a ton of weight over the last year...(OK well maybe not a ton), but enough to be noticeable and enough so that I have a closet full full full of clothes that I can no longer get into.....and enough so that I don't feel fit and healthy.  So I must put my big girl panties on (no pun intended) and face all three of these situations....and if necessary take whatever cognitive exercises or medication the experts might suggest I try.  And I've made up my mind and ask for a consultation with an expert to discuss just that.

On my own, I have made myself, even though I don't always feel like it....get myself outside to walk a brisk and calorie burning walk....get myself to the gym to cycle for an hour.....or treadmill for an hour....or do some machines and weights.  I know that works for me and there is no physical reason why I can't and should not get back to that routine.  I'm trying not to concentrate on the numbers on the scale.....they make me sad....but right now my goal is to get myself feeling, looking and being healthy again...........and to get myself into a happy state of mind (regardless of what life is throwing at me or whatever negativity I encounter). 

It may sound selfish, but this second cancer has made me realize (and I am trying desperately to accept) that I can only do the best I can do and offer the time I can spare to help others, but I have to learn to take care of myself........or I will be of no help to anyone else.  My new mantra and the new screen saver on my computer is this:

And today I find comfort in these posters:

  

So if today you are feeling lost, confused, sad, angry, anxious, depressed.....then here, take my hand....lets compare notes and maybe together we can find a way back to the Happiness Highway..........after all we kicked Cancer in the rear, and we are strong and on the road back to being healthy...

I'll try to write more this week..... at the end of next week and for about a week...I'll be traveling to a place where I can (hopefully) truly relax....going to spend time with some angels in my life in a warm and sunny place. If I have internet...I'll write....if I don't...I'll write on paper and transfer it to here when I get back.....

Shout out to my dear friend Barb...who is off relaxing in the Caribbean....Enjoy!

If you're trying to fight the demons and get back on track....honk if you pass...I'll be waving!

A scar means I survived....

Wednesday, January 29, 2013

This morning I am working on a new personal project ....that being trying to get all the small scraps of paper with notes that I've jotted down from time to time....of books I think I want to read, quotes, ideas for books I might want to write, directions to somewhere, people's birthdays, addresses etc. etc. onto something more permanent like into files on my computer.  I actually hate doing this, because I like the feel and look of those little pieces of paper.  I've held on to them for so long...I can scramble around on my desk and know where they are, but I'm trying to get more organized so that I will not feel guilty about writing or reading for several hours a day (more on that subject can be found on my latest post on my other blog www.whimseys-writings-thoughts.blogspot.com ).

Anyway, this morning in going through one of my little marbled journal books...I came across a quote out of a book I read several years ago, called  Little Bee by Chris Cleave.

When I read what I had written down....I was amazed at how (although it was not written in the book as this context), it was so relevant for those of us who have had breast cancer....

The passage is:

“I ask you right here to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what scar makers want you to think.  But you and I, we must agree to defy them.  We must see the scars as beauty.  Okay? This will be our secret.  Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying.  A scar means  ‘I survived’".

That is so important for us to remember.  After my husband passed away and I had recovered from my first breast cancer in 2002, I remember thinking (or wondering) who will ever love me again with this horrible divot in my breast and the scar from the port and the long scar from where they took 21 lymph nodes....who would want to look at me and be able to see any beauty there....

But somehow by the grace of God, I did eventually find someone who loves me just for who I am and not for what I look like.  

This time the scars are not as bad.  The surgeon I had this time, Dr. Watson at Scott and White, was amazing and I am sure that as time passes, I will barely have any noticeable scars on my right side....and what matters most is that I have learned to love the scars on the left side.......because they do mean that 'I survived'....and that is beautiful.

I think about the men and women who come back from war with limbs missing....yes it is tragic, yes their lives have changed forever, yes they will have to learn how to get around a new way, yes it will be a challenge.....but they are survivors....and their scars are beautiful because they gave of themselves for our freedom.  

Never pass up a chance to tell someone serving in the military how proud you are of them and thank then for their service...........and never forget to tell someone who has survived cancer or who is still battling cancer to never stop fighting....that they are beautiful...scars and all.