That Old Black Tragic.....

That old black tragic has me in its spell, that old black tragic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.
The same old tingle that I feel inside, and then that elevator starts its ride
And down and down I go, round and round I go, like a leaf that's caught in the tide......

Oh that old black tragic called STRESS!

I was going to write my post describing what happens to me when I get the fatigue from the radiation treatments....so that if someone who is preparing to start radiation won't think she/he is going nuts when this happens....

I can be doing anything, writing a piece of my journal to post, cooking, eating reading and all of a sudden out of the blue...the backs of my eye lids hurt like I am getting the worse sinus headache ever, then I get a headache...then it moves to the back of my head and down my neck...and creeps into my shoulders and then just like someone pulled the plug on me and any energy I had...I just want to collapse or cry....fatigue from radiation...uhhhhh!

Or maybe not!!!!  I went for my treatment this morning and told the girls giving me my treatment about how I had been feeling...and they both said well usually the radiation fatigue doesn't hit you until about the end of the third week.  Hmmmmm!!!   Today was also the day I see the doctor/radiation oncologist.  My doctor was out of town, so I saw a different doctor....very very nice.

So he started asking me how I was doing...and I reiterated the story I had told the technicians....he got this huge smile on his face....and said well it's not the fatigue from radiation, what you described to me is casebook stress anxiety attacks....starts in your eyes, moves to the back of your head and works it's way down all the nerve endings in your neck and into your shoulders (which can be the "keepers of stress"....... "and so Peggy, when this happens what do you do?"  "Well I take 2 Tylenol and a Lorazepam....", I answer hesitantly.  Again he smiles...that's exactly what you should do...and if necessary lay down and relax....He said this is so typical of cancer patients, we think we are "doing fine", but actually we are trying to mentally figure this cancer stuff out, trying to sort through everything that is happening in our bodies...and if it's a recurrence, then the worry/stress is magnified and if it's during the holidays and you are dealing with lots of stuff....family....juggling being at lots of places at once, the hustle and bustle of shopping and fitting everything in then it is magnified 10 times....

The Lorazepam is only .5 mg.....very very low dose.  He said I should take them 3 times a day through the holidays....because I need to get the stress under control before the real radiation fatigue hits me the end of the 3rd week....Yikes! 

I asked if exercise would help.....again he smiles.....BINGO...absolutely....you don't have to go lift weights, but take some long walks, take some fitness classes, ride a bike.....I told him I used to be very active at the gym...usually 5-6 days a week....and lately that isn't happening..........

"And why is that, Peggy?"......I just sat there...so he answered for me...."I know busy with the holidays and just kind of lost motivation".....I looked at him with puppy dog eyes      ,,,,,,,,and said yes

I really do have a lot going on in my life right now....some of it you know about....some of it you don't know about.....but I need to learn to chill out.....I need to get back to the gym.....I need to start walking again....

But right now I need to gear myself up for driving down to spend Christmas with family, driving back to have a treatment and driving back down for another family day............

Why do I hear my trainer, Shepherd Green's voice calling from off in the distance....Peggy.....do you not understand the meaning of 'rest'.....do you not remember the importance of exercise???

That old black tragic has me in a spell....