Pulled into the black hole by a rip tide

Do you ever feel like on this journey of weight loss and this effort to get and stay fit/healthy that you fall  off the wagon and then get sucked into a black hole by a rip tide.  You don't intend to eat that second piece of bread pudding or grab that handful of chips.  Do you sometimes feel like you've reverted back to the old you who was out of control....the you before you started this journey in earnest?

Well my friend I hear you loud and clear for I am there right now at this moment.  If you've been following my blog you know that I've been fighting an inflamed Achilles Tendon which has limited my exercise and pretty much made nil most of my cardio workouts.  Has this left me depressed?  Has it knocked me off the wagon? Has it made me gain weight? Have I allowed this rip tide to suck me down and deter my progress?

Well this is a motivational blog and right here I'm suppose to say....NO WAY.  I'm not going to let some inflamed Achilles Tendon deter me from my goal, not going to let my limited exercise lead to weight gain....after all I know how to do this...I know when you are temporarily sidelined, that you really watch your calories and cut back to compensate for the 'less exercise'......come on you know that too! 

So what the hell happened (oops! excuse my outburst)....but really what the hell have I gone and done? Why did this have to happen right at the holidays (at the dessert and yummy food frenzy time of year)?  Why have I let the numbers on the scale creep up from 2 pounds gained to 5 pounds gained to 7 pounds gained? I'm suppose to say NO WAY....I've stuck to my guns, I've fought the urges, I'm winning this battle!!! That's what I'm suppose to say.  That's what  Olivia Ward and Hannah Curlee of Biggest Loser fame would say!  That's what Ernestine Shepherd (the oldest woman body builder) would say! 

I am suppose to be inspiring you, motivating you, helping you get over these hurtles....when the  truth is I can't get over them myself.  It's true, I'm just as human as you are and I am depressed at my current status in my weight loss battle.

So gather round....those of you who understand what I'm going through.....and yes even those who know how to not fall into this hole (in fact those of you who know how to help me crawl back up to the top, please write to me at peggylee57@aol.com and give me some inspiration).........gather around and let's talk about where my wagon went off the track, why I seem to be barreling down the hill with the wheels flying off and why I am screaming madly.....Shepherd Green, Belinda Fernandes, Olivia Ward, Hannah Curlee, Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels, Whitney Alexander......anyone HELP HELP HELP! 

Let's see, I've been nursing this Achilles Tendon since early September and I remember my mind being 'still in tact' then...."I can do this, go to physical therapy, do all the exercises I can do that don't put stress on the tendon, count and decrease my calories and just know that I might possibly gain a couple of pounds....not to worry".  But the pain was not subsiding, so more exercise was limited or eliminated all together....just keep doing what you can do and watch your calories........I'm on into October and I see someone sitting on my shoulder with this smurk on her face and rubbing her hands together......like the wicked little witch of the west....uuugh here's an opportunity to sneak an extra cookie or have more than one chip....after all Peggy people will understand how hard it is when you can't exercise like you use to...it's hard, they understand....

And then my birthday came along in November (and of course you have to make yourself a 'from scratch' carrot cake and of course you are allowed to have a piece.....)Oh OK  so I had more than one piece.....it was my birthday! And then I got the dang boot.....no not out of my house or out of the gym....but this dang big cumbersome boot on my foot....which slowed me down even more.... and the thought of a cruise coming up in December.........and the 'me' on my shoulder started jumping up and down with great exuberance!  Yeh!  More excuse material....come on Peggy you'll get back to the gym the first of the year, you'll count your calories tomorrow, think of how good that double chocolate brownie tastes with ice cream on it....you can still zip up your size 6 jeans...so what if they seem a little snug.....you don't have to be the queen of fitness all the time!  It will be OK....you'll get back on track when that Achilles Tendon heals and you can get back to your full exercise routine...in January or February!  Yeh! Yeh! Yeh!  (the old me was back and determined to take over and send me spiraling back to the old days when I'd lose weight, keep it off a few months and then slowly put it back on....all of it and more).....and then heaven forbid....here comes Thanksgiving with all its wonderful food to be thankful for and the vulnerable me not wanting to hurt anybody's feelings by not trying just one more spoonful of  to die for broccoli salad (with bacon bits and sunflower seeds) or to sample a piece of pumpkin, chocolate and pecan pie with whip cream!  Oh my gosh!  I've fallen into a vat of the old unhealthy me!!!!...........and I don't seem to know how to swim.....
I'm drowning....
          drowning....
               drowning....


Heavy sigh...........do you hear me out there........I who am suppose to be your motivation, your inspiration.....I who at 64 have aspirations to follow in the footsteps of Ernie Shepherd and have a sleek, toned, fit and healthy body at the age of 75.....do you hear me out there?  I'm not perfect....I'm not strong....this is a battle I've faced all my life!
And the old ugly me is looming on my shoulder threatening to take me back into the abyss of unhealthiness!

Deep breath in....Deep breath out.....blow it out....really blow it out!  Dang it!  I am not going to let this rip tide pull me any further under.  I was suppose to go for a weigh in yesterday and I didn't go......after all I'm going on a cruise soon and I'll get back on track after I get back.....well that my friends is just "STINKIN' THINKIN'!"  That is destructive thinking.  I am not going to give into it and I don't want you to give into it either. Remember:  THEY NEVER PROMISED THIS WOULD BE EASY!
                              THEY ONLY PROMISED IT WOULD BE WORTH IT!

So with each of you as my witness I am today, right now, at 8:56 CDT on Thursday, November 28th jumping off that spiraling broken down wagon and stopping this destructive downfall. I'm letting that wagon crash on down the hill and I'm holding on the the nearest branch on the side of the culvert....holding on for dear life and saying....."listen up Peggy Snyder" picture in your mind and believe the sign you once saw........ 
and i'm going to say to myself

After all I am the hope I've been waiting for.  No one can do this but me....and yes I am human and yes I did fall off the wagon.......and yes I might be temporarily down and out (or at least it feels that way)....but you cannot keep an old dog down.  I have to always always remember  

Even Dr. Seuss knows I can do this!

 

 

I can't believe I let an inflamed Achilles Tendon beat me down like this.... There simply is NO EXCUSE!!

 

Thanks for reading this.  Thanks for listening.  You all have inspired me by being the reasoning voice in my head that helps me climb back up the mountain when I fall off the wagon.  By letting me try to motivate you....you motivate me.  I'm counting on you and I hope you are counting on me to continue this journey to be Fit at 99!

Onward and upward!